Just Because I'm Sorry
by jansonpls
Summary: Kyp Durron and Jaina Solo aren't exactly the smartest when it comes to love... KypJaina


**Title: ** Just Because I'm Sorry   
**Author: ** djcati   
**Fandom: ** Star Wars post-NJO   
**Characters: ** Kyp, Jaina   
**Rating: ** PG   
**Words:** 1,228   
**Notes: ** A return to non-crack K/J from t3h dj? How many people have been waiting for _this_! It's angsty, folks, and while it's K/J, it's also K/D and J/Z. And it originally started life as a Wes/Hobbie fic, but I figured it'd work better for my _other_ OTP. ;) 

_just because I'm sorry doesn't mean   
I didn't enjoy it at the time _

you're the only thing that I love   
scares me more every day   
on my knees I think clearer   
goodness knows I saw it coming   
or at least I'll claim I did   
but in truth I'm lost for words 

** Snow Patrol - Chocolate **

- 

She says we shouldn't see each other anymore. That what we had was nice, but...we don't belong together. That she loves me...but only as a friend. 

I don't understand. We were perfect for each other - perfect! I loved her - I _love_ her! She was my best friend for the second half of the war, my best friend in the galaxy, and then after, when she broke up with _him_, we were...more. For a little while. 

It was...I don't even remember. 

That's a lie - I remember perfectly. Her cousin's lifeday. I was on planet, but wasn't invited. ("An oversight," Luke claimed later.) So she left, came to my apartment, tried to convince me to come. 

_"Why? I wasn't invited." _

"A stupid mistake. Come on, it's boring without you!" 

"A Solo-Skywalker celebration, **boring**?" 

"Yeah - you're not there, and you should be." 

"Can't you go get, I don't know, Janson, if you want to liven it up?" 

"Don't even joke about that! Come on, Kyp, let's go." 

"But why?" 

"You should be there! You're part of our family now. You always have been." 

"Have I? Sure doesn't feel like it half the time." 

"Kyp, if you don't walk out this door with me **right now**, I'll knock you out and drag you there." 

"But-" 

"**And** I'll go get Janson to talk to you all night." 

"All right, Goddess, all right, I'm coming. Guess I'll get Ben a late present tomorrow." 

"Good." 

"...Is that the only reason you want me there? Cause I'm 'family'?" 

"Well, and you're my friend." 

"And that's it?" 

"What do you mean, 'that's it'? A goddess deems you worthy of being her friend and 'that's it'?" 

"Ah, dear Goddess, I was merely curious. Let me apologise in a suitably humble fashion, and you may punish me appropriately." 

"Good." 

"Or **in**appropriately, if you want - I don't really mind." 

"Kyp!" 

"What?" 

"You're such an idiot." 

"But a lovable idiot." 

"...Maybe." 

"Aw, come on, Jay. I'm lovable, right?" 

"Oh, all right. You're lovable." 

"O joyous, happy day! The Goddess has deemed me not only her friend, but lovable, too!" 

"And an idiot." 

"And hot, right?" 

"What!" 

"Your lovable, idiotic, hot friend. Right? Come on-" 

"No." 

"Yes." 

"No." 

"Yes." 

"Yes." 

"Ah ha! I knew it!" 

"You were supposed to get confused and say no!" 

"Jaina, that might work on Jacen, but some of us are smart." 

"Jacen's smart!" 

"Only if I'm hot." 

"Fine. You're hot. Happy?" 

"Very. Oh, look, we're here now." 

"Great. Let's-" 

"Wait." 

That's when I kissed her - just outside the door to the Skywalkers' apartment. And you know what? She didn't pull away until Ben opened the door, giggling and grinning and hugging us both. She even kissed me back, and not just a little. 

Everything went on from there. I thought I'd be in for it after the party, but we talked, and, yeah - we got together. Kyp and Jaina. Jaina and Kyp. For six months. 

But now? Like I said, she says we shouldn't be together. She doesn't love me like I love her, and she's not sure she ever has. 

So we're not together. We're seeing other people. She seems to have sorted her differences with Zekk, and I'm biding my time with Danni. Oh, Danni's a great woman, no doubt about it - smart, beautiful, pretty funny - but she and I both know it's not going to last. She's not the woman for me. And I can only think of one person who is. 

She's the only thing I really love - but she doesn't love me anymore. 

- 

I lied to Kyp. 

After Ben's lifeday, we were together for, wow, must have been six months. It was good. Too good. I got scared - I thought, this is never going to last, something horrible's going to happen and we'll both get hurt and it'll be over. Or, he could do so much better than me, I don't deserve him, after everything we've done to each other we shouldn't be together. 

So I told him it wasn't working out. That I didn't love him anymore. That I'd just been fooling myself and him because I _wanted_ that kind of relationship, but it just wasn't good for either of us. 

_"But why, Jaina? What did I do wrong?" _

"It's not you - it's me." 

"Whenever women say that, they really mean it **is** the man's fault. What is it, Jaina?" 

"Nothing - look - it **is** me. I guess - I've just got this problem." 

"We can solve it, then, together." 

"No, Kyp - something I've had the whole time. I thought - that I loved you. But I - I don't." 

"You...don't love me?" 

"I'm sorry, Kyp. I thought I did. But it's - I just love you as a friend. That's all." 

"'That's all'..." 

"I'm really sorry, Kyp. I don't mean to hurt you-" 

"No. It's OK. If you don't love me, then you shouldn't be with me." 

"Kyp..." 

"No. No. You're right. I mean, maybe we should see other people. We're just not right for each other." 

"Kyp, I'm-" 

"Don't say sorry. Don't **be** sorry. This is obviously a good thing." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. So. I'll see you around, Jaina. Bye." 

And he left my apartment before I could say another word. Before I could even say goodbye. I tried to find him, but he was missing for hours, until Janson found him propped up in a bar downtown. He brought Kyp back here, told me to take better care of my property - made a joke out of it. I told him to get lost, and he disappeared pretty sharpish. Guess I looked angry. 

Kyp was pretty out of it, but conscious enough to take one look at me and stumble away down the corridor to his own apartment. Didn't say a word to me, and then I didn't see him again for days. Like he was avoiding me...I felt so bad, but...it was better. Right? I couldn't let us both rely on each other too much, get too involved, and...let everything get ruined. 

I don't know, things kind of...eased up after a while. I met up with Zekk again a couple weeks later - we had a long talk, a couple days to get used to each other again, then, I guess...one thing led to another, and...we got back together. Then, about a week after that, I saw Kyp with Danni - now that was a bit of a shock. But, I guess they're all right together. It's not like I'm jealous. It's better this way, it is. 

Things with Zekk are going pretty well, I think. I didn't realise how much I missed him during the war - my first best friend, my first love...my _only_ love now, right? 

Sure. I don't miss Kyp that much. 

That's a total lie. I love him. I love him so much it scares me, and that's why I had to break up with him. It was the right thing to do, because you can't love someone that much and stay sane. You can't. We both have to move on. 

It looks like he has, with Danni - now it's my turn to fall back in love with Zekk. I've got to. It's the only way life will make sense...isn't it? 

But life's never made sense before... 

- 


End file.
